dear cringing child me

you tremble.  shudder.  squirm.  cringe.

he laughs.  mocks.  humiliates.  terrorizes.

you feel desperate.  manic.  helpless.

he is devious.  treacherous.  savage.

the abuse.  is hidden.  in plain sight.

they look.  but don't see.
they hear.  but don't listen.
they know.  but are unaware.

he is a master of.
manipulation.  deception.  pretense.

you have one assurance.  one confidence.
one hope.

jesus.

he confronted.  manipulative.  conniving.
unscrupulous.  people.

he looks.  sees.  hears.  listens.  knows.
he is fully.  aware.  of your.  reality.

he does not.  leave you.  alone.

he restores.  your calm.
strengthens.  your faith.
secures.  your future.

because of jesus-

you survived.

you are still overcoming.

dear alone older me

a storm.  is crashing down.  outside.

there is hail.  lightening.  thunder.
hurricane wind.

a different storm.  brews.  inside.

there is terror.  violence.  desolation.
abominable assaults.

alone.  afraid.

abandoned.  to his.  depravity.

ashamed.  of my.  weakness.

my spirit.  crushed.
my body.  mangled.
my mind.  disturbed.

i do not.  speak.  of the abuse.
the damage.  the debilitating fear.

except to jesus.

before him.  i am exposed.  uncovered.
raw.  not alone.

nothing.  is hidden.  from him.
i trust.  his redemption.  will come.

i believe.

he knows.  knows all.

dear turbulent child me

his fury is fierce.  his wrath.  unrestrained.
he is wild.  violent.  sadistic.

you feel livid.  enraged.  irate.

your thoughts.  agitated.
your body.  unstable.
your emotions.  turbulent.

you are small.  weak.  young.

he is monstrous.  massive.  merciless.

you know.  what fresh hell.  awaits you.
every day.

how can morning.  be good?
how can night.  be good?

you question.  you wonder.  you struggle.
you dare to hope.  dream.  believe.

jesus stays with you.  he reminds you.  he knows.
firsthand.  the cruelty.  of people.

he is not unaware.  of your nightmare.
he does.  deliver you.  free you.
vindicate you.

because of jesus-

you survived.

you are still overcoming.

dear tenderhearted adult me

so loud.  crashing thoughts.  pounding images.
raging emotions.

noise.  clamor.  racket.

crawl.  creep.  tip-toe.
does not matter.
he sees.  hears.  intercepts.

alone.  midnight.  in the corner.
in the shadow.

quietness comes. pandemonium silenced.
jesus whispers.

he is my hope.  my strength.  my refuge.

people.  he created.  tormented him.
tortured him.  ridiculed him.  rejected him.

yet his compassion.  persisted.
his mercy.  magnified.
his grace.  relentless.

he is strong.  gentle.  tender.  kind.

his truth.  softens my heart.

i believe.

he knows.  knows all.

dear little lost girl me

you are sad.  alone.  lost.
you cower.  when he enters.  the room.
the danger around you.  is terrifying.

your mind is infected.  with fear.
your dry tears.  are filled.  with rage.
your silent screams.  hide.  in your gut.

you fight.  you resist.  you repress.

you pray.

jesus hears you.  stays with you.
fights for you.

he rescues you.  from the abuse.
delivers you.  from the darkness.
restores you.  with a new heart.
redeems you.  to live for him.

he heals.  your mind.
casts out.  your fear.
releases.  your tears.
removes.  your rage.
gives a voice.  to your screams.

you are loved.  refined.  found.
because of jesus.

you survived.

you are still overcoming.

dear peaceful older me

i feel unsettled.  uneasy.  undone.

peace seems unattainable.  unreal.  undeserved.
unreachable.

chaos.  all around me.
people in pain.  afraid.  ashamed.
living in terror.  violence.  brokenness.

i am one of them.

he shows no mercy.
ridicule.  torment.  torture.
darkness. loneliness.
follow.  his assaults.

i search.  for peace.  in my mind.
jesus talks about peace.
i focus.  on his words.

he said.  peace.  i leave you.
my peace.  i give you.

though there was.  pain.  in him.
pain.  all around him.
his very presence.  brought peace.
to the most troubled souls.

because of jesus.  you will.  know peace.

i believe.

he knows.  knows all.

dear shocked twenty something year old me

you hit the ground.  running.  you try not to look back.
he taught you well.  you learned a lot.

his abuse taught you.  to be vigilant.  apprehensive.
ashamed.

his torment taught you.  to be defensive.  angry.
stubborn.

his power and control taught you.  to feel worthless.
useless.  unlovable.

these responses.  and tactics.  you've learned so well.
helped you.  survive.  you soon realize.  they don't work anymore.
you are perplexed.  confused.

shocked.

jesus is faithful.  you are his.  he never leaves you.
though you lack understanding.  you believe.

you believe.  he is who he says he is.
you believe.  he is alive.  powerful.
and active.  in your life.

he teaches you.  to be patient.
he transforms you.  to be compassionate.
he redeems you.  to live for him.

because of jesus-

you survived.

you are still overcoming.