dear gentle older me

please be gentle.  older me.

he is so harsh.  his words.  his attacks.  his force.  his hate.

so very harsh.

i crave gentleness.  softness.  kindness.  quietness.

my life now.  is anything but gentle.

everything seems cold.  sharp.  savage.  gnawing.

putrid smells.  wretched pain.  horrific thoughts.  messy emotions.

rain comforts me.  its gentle strength.  makes me feel clean.
for a moment.   my soul connects to jesus.  in a strange way.  when it storms.

there is something about rain.  and tears.  that remind me.
of gentle strength.  gentle power.

of jesus.

he sees me.  he hears me.  he knows me.  he is with me.

he whispers to me.  of his life.  his death.  his resurrection.
his strength.  his victory.  his sorrow.  his joy.  his peace.

his love.

i believe.

he knows.  knows all.