Saturday, August 6, 2016

dear battle worn older me

the battle rages on here.

if you survived.  you must be worn thin.  tattered.  tainted.

i don't think he is human.  the things he forces me to do.

he is vicious.  depraved.  cruel.  strong.  demanding.  vile.

his intense fury.  feels like a hurricane.  in my body.  in my head.

swirling thoughts.  images.  words.  pounding.  cutting.

my body.  hate my body.  my body feels helpless.  like waves in the
open ocean.  submitting to a violent.  treacherous.  deadly.  cyclone.

tossed.  tormented.  tortured.  twisted.

i find little relief lately.  if any.  i retreat to jesus.  every chance i get.

i wonder about his life here.  the life he chose.

he willingly submitted to.  violent.  treacherous.  deadly.  people.
to pay for my sins.  to know suffering.  in the most intimate way.

he bore the punishment.  of sin.  for the entire human race.

he suffered. rejection.  sorrow.  pain.  humiliation.  betrayal.  abuse.  grief.  torture.

the likes of which.  i cannot fathom.

i believe.

he knows.  knows all.

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