Saturday, October 29, 2016

dear angry child me

i remember.  the hot rage.  the dry tears.
the simmering anger.

you feel helpless.  exposed.  furious.

he satisfies.  his lust.  by degrading.  you.

you are fragile.  yet sturdy.
tender.  yet resilient.
weak.  yet strong.
raw.  yet merciful.

the pain.  the lies.  the torment.
take their toll.  on your soul.  and your body.

you turn.  your anger.  inward.

to let it flow.  outward.  seems wrong.  dangerous.
sinful.

jesus understands your anger.  your confusion.
your vulnerability.

he purifies your emotions.  strengthens your heart.
forgives your sin.  grows your faith.

he cleanses you from.  all unrighteousness.
he transforms.  your spirit.
renews.  your mind.
fortifies.  your spirit.
sustains.  your body.

because of jesus-

your survived.

you are still overcoming.

Friday, October 21, 2016

dear undomesticated older me

i'm so scared.  wretched.  forsaken.  forlorn.

danger looms.  in every room.

he ties everything.  into abuse.
chores.  school.  hygiene.

cooking.

the kitchen.  i hate.  the kitchen.

his cruelty.  knocks me down.  shuts me up.
tears me apart.

how can home.  ever be.  a safe place?

today i feel.  hollow.  like an empty shell.
uncivilized.  undomesticated.  displaced.

i am certain.  jesus knows.  intimately.  my
tormented soul.  he was treated.  savagely.  by the very ones.
he gives life.  and breath to.

he must know.  the depth of my pain.  my fear.  my despair.
because of him.  your home.  will be different.

because of jesus.  i can endure.  persevere.  survive.

nothing is hidden.  from him.  nothing.

i believe.

he knows.  knows all.

Friday, October 14, 2016

dear crushed child me

wounds heal.  damage mends.  emotions settle.
thoughts improve.  life moves along.

his violence.  leaves you.  silenced.  ashamed.
confused.  tormented.  outraged.  sore.

crushed.

you live with.  the burning.  the stench.
the pain.  the vomiting.  the reeling.
the rage.  the panic.

you fight.  the images.  the terror.
the sadness.  the nausea.

you pray.  habitually.

your honesty.  with jesus.
is miraculous.

you believe.  he is.  the god.  who sees you.
hears you.  knows you.  fights for you.

he enters your sorrow.  your agony.
your loneliness.  your horror.

he takes on.  the pain.  of your.  reality.

because of jesus-

your survived.  you are still overcoming.

Saturday, October 8, 2016

dear broken older me

my heart.  is broken.  my spirit crushed.

my body.  feels wretched.

my soul.  in pieces.

i dread.  being home.  alone.  with him.

i fight.  the fear within.  i berate.  myself.
in my thoughts.  i feel.  foolish.  stupid.
not human.

a broken.  object.

i hold on.  to hope.  that jesus will.  sustain me.
rescue me.  free me.  heal me.

for now i hide.  my pain.  trusting in.  his mercy.

i remember a story.  he met a lady.  at a well.
he told her.  he was living water.  he spoke words.
of life to her.  he loved her.  she knew it.

he knew.  everything.  about her.  his very presence.
changed her life.  that day.

jesus binds up.  the brokenhearted.  because he sees.
he hears.  he feels.  he enters.  our suffering.

i believe.

he knows.  knows all.

Monday, October 3, 2016

dear compassionate younger me

you never want anyone.  to feel.  the way you do.  to suffer abuse.
loneliness.  fear.  sadness.  terror.  brutality.  bullying.

your heart is angry.  yet tender.

downtrodden.  yet hopeful.

hardened.  yet soft.

roughened.  yet gentle.

resentful.  yet compassionate.

you come to know.  a love greater than any other.  deeper than
any sorrow.  stronger than any despair.

jesus takes your hand.  your heart.  your pain.  your shame.

his compassion.  is salve.  to your soul.

because of his.  relentless love.  you know him.  as your creator.  savior.
lord.  friend.  brother.  healer.  shepherd.

lover.  of your soul.

because of jesus-

you survived.  you are still overcoming.

Saturday, October 1, 2016

dear defiled lady me

i resent.  the reality.  that i will.  never.  know.  what it feels like.
to be pure.

he stole that.  from me.  like a savage.

he ransacks.  my body.

wreaks havoc.  on my mind.

shatters.  my heart.

my soul is raw.  wild.  misguided.  poisoned.

i am desolate.

defiled.

i long to be clean.  peaceful.  whole.

jesus promises peace.  salvation.  freedom.  growth.  strength.
forgiveness.  mercy.  grace.  love.

compassion.

redemption.

i believe.

he knows.  knows all.