dear adult me

i wish i knew if you are there.  still surviving.

every day is a battle.  can't hide.

tired of the fight in my mind.   in my body.
to just take it.  the viscous.  depraved.  constant.  assaults.

i am rebelling.  revolting.  retaliating.

he is relentless.

i tried to hurt him.

he laughed.  lunged.  and threw me around like a rag doll.

if you are there, i know you will remember these days well.  but i so
want you to forget.  the horror.

i listen to everything i can about jesus.  i daydream about his
crucifixion.  the horror.

the love.

i believe.

he knows.  knows all.